


Those times where there's no answers at all

by -yangtangliu (timeisaconstruct)



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, M/M, Post-Coital, Shower Kissing, Showers, Top Liu Yang Yang, Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun thinks a little too much, Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:07:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27285397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeisaconstruct/pseuds/-yangtangliu
Summary: Where the water in his shower falls just as fast as Dejun does.
Relationships: Liu Yang Yang/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Comments: 7
Kudos: 55





	Those times where there's no answers at all

**Author's Note:**

> teen and up for no actual sex but xiaoyang are in the shower together for most of the fic. but no sex!!
> 
> title from [ hookup's in the morning ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6n5849K3HGajhJ3rJsyq58)

Sex clearly reeks in the air — and the room is already pretty closed off with the door closed, the fan off, and the windows only open a little bit. He feels an overwhelming sense of tiredness, and as the bliss rolls off in waves he becomes more aware of how disgusting he feels and how much his bedroom needs to be aired out. Dejun can’t find it in himself to regret anything, because his head is still muddled in only the way sex can and the sight that is before him is something he wants to savour, even if he feels like he shouldn’t.

Yangyang heaves out his breaths and pushes himself against Dejun’s big pillows, resting his head back. He looks oddly god-like and unreal in his bed, naked, perfectly blissed out and relaxed. Though if Dejun takes a moment to consider how out of place he looks being naked, laying on his bed like it’s no one's business he wouldn't consider saying he belongs for a second. (But Dejun’s always been one to like mitch-matched things, and he and Yangyang aren’t so different)

Even though his cum is still all over his stomach and starting to dry on himself, Yangyang looks like he’s ready to curl up in bed and he yawns quietly. It’s a very domestic sight that makes Dejun want to crawl from where he is at the edge of the bed to lay down in his arms. But he knows he can’t do that, and instead of pondering over it and looking further in what feels like dangerous thoughts and feelings, Dejun gets up from the bed. “I’m gonna take a shower first.”

Yangyang looks up, and Dejun remembers what showering would mean for them, for what they are, for their arrangement, for what they mean to each other. Showering would mean Yangyang would have to take one too, and eventually leave later. Judging by his expression he doesn’t want to. (And considering Dejun knows how it feels to have to go home late at night he pities him. It’s not at all because he wants Yangyang to stay.)

He doesn’t mind Yangyang staying over — it’s happened before and he doesn’t mind it happening again, but even as something lingers at the back of his mind, Dejun looks back at him when he says his next words. “You- I’m not gonna make you go home, it’s too late.”

Yangyang visibly relaxes. “Fuck, Dejun I got so scared,” His breath hitches when Yangyang doesn’t continue right away and looking at his expression is almost enough to convince him that he means what Dejun interprets. (It definitely does not make Dejun feel hopeful, and he pushes it down) “..because I’m so tired.” He yawns and an uncomfortable feeling wells up inside of him. “I’ve always liked your sheets much better though,” He mumbles, laying a hand over his head as he shuffles down on his duvet. Dejun knows he’s lying.

He gives him a half-smile before he walks to the door to start his shower. “I wouldn’t kick you out, I think you think of me too low.”

Dejun is out of the door before he hears his response, in the process forgetting to get a spare change of clothes, but he supposes it doesn’t matter too much if Yangyang sees him naked enough already. Looking in the bathroom mirror Dejun sees himself blushing and turns away from the sight of the debauched look he has on his face. Yangyang was never one to leave love bites even if there have been way too many make out and grinding sessions between them. He’s also not one to give blow-jobs all that often; he focuses on himself and what he wants.

He’s not like a pliant girl Dejun could pick up at any other party, and he’s sure of what he wants in most given moments. (And if Yangyang were to want Dejun on his knees for him, he’d have it) Dejun turns to the curtains to start warming up his shower, shaking his head to stop thinking of all the ways Yangyang is different from other people he’s been with. In his apartment that he doesn’t share, he has to wait for the water to warm up which is something that usually doesn't bother him, but part of him wants to get it over with.

It doesn’t take too long, thankfully, and Dejun can safely enter without any fear of being severely hurt by cold (or hot) water. It cascades down his back once he’s stepped completely underneath the showerhead, and almost like a spell, Dejun feels himself begin to relax. The water is just warm enough to hurt only a bit, but after the cold of his apartment nipping at his naked body, the water isn’t all that hot. It’s a warm hug and makes Dejun feel cosy, but eventually, he picks up his bottle of body wash.

Lately, Dejun has been thinking about his relationship with Yangyang and it’s resurfaced a lot of things he’s wanted to push down. Things he thought having a relationship with no feelings or romance involved would fix — but ended up not doing so in the slightest. There was a lot that was on his mind, like how his feelings and thoughts toward him have been changing from when they started their arrangement to his degree and how Dejun has treated the people around himself.

See, the thing that Dejun and Yangyang have going on is pretty akin to Friends with Benefits, except for the fact that they were never exactly friends in the first place. Dejun and Yangyang started off more like enemies than friends. It started with Dejun’s best friend Kunhang having a crush on Yangyang’s older friend Ten who didn’t like him back. Both of them were players, people who Dejun and Kunhang usually steered clear from, but Kunhang couldn’t help himself. (Dejun supposed the same was happening to himself after all) Kunhang was heartbroken because when he falls in love he falls hard for people. As his best friend Dejun knew this, which made him very protective of people who broke it.

Eventually, like all civilized people do (and _not_ anything to do with an oblivious professor) Ten and Kunhang sorted out their feelings to each other. But like idiots, Yangyang and Dejun still tossed glares and rebuttals — till they met up once at a party. That had been the first time they hooked up (it was more of hate sex and aggression than anything and Dejun can _still_ feel Yangyang’s cock being shoved in his mouth while he curses down at him) but Dejun had thought it wouldn’t happen again or anything like that. But then it happened a second time — completely unannounced — following again with a third that really made them realize that maybe, just maybe, they could keep this going on, and put a label on it.

Keyword: (you guessed it) _Friends With Benefits._ Which is funny because they aren’t even friends.

His thoughts evidently bring him back to a day back in March of twenty nineteen. It was when Dejun was a second year, and Yangyang was still a freshman, but the year was closer to the start rather than the end and he had everything he needed to be figured out — to an extent. He joined a frat, was in the middle of basketball, had helped Ten break Dejun’s best friend's heart and had managed to get Dejun to hook up with him. It was the morning after and as rain padded on Dejun’s apartment windows Yangyang proposed the idea.

Dejun himself really didn’t have any like for him — he thought it happening a few times over the course of four months wasn’t exactly pushing it — but after Yangyang had cleaned himself up and redressed himself, he stood in the doorway for a few moments longer than necessary. He was already looking fine — his hair brushed, the cum on his chest wiped off, and love bites carefully concealed with a sweater. Dejun himself was ready to start on coursework when he had stopped him and asked to talk.

He proposed their proposition, from the doorway; hands stuffed in his pockets and hair still messy looking underneath his hoodie. He didn’t have any conflicting feelings back then aside from trying to maintain his 4.0 GPA, so he agreed. But a feeling all too similar had made him want to squirm underneath his gaze, and he knew he couldn't say no. There were no rules because both of them knew what the basic, always applying ones were. That you weren’t supposed to fall in love, that you weren’t supposed to get jealous, and that you couldn’t go soft or get any more aggressive.

But something then, and still now feels like it’s not right — like their wasting time.

Now, don’t get Dejun wrong, he’ll be the first one to talk about how much he’d love to be in any kind of romantic relationship, but Yangyang himself still unsettled himself and no matter how he tried he couldn’t find it in himself to agree to the relationship. Yangyang didn’t ask, but Dejun had hoped his words would stop him before he could ask. Yangyang had agreed, saying he wasn’t looking for anything too serious, and Dejun had told him how he couldn’t be bothered to care about someone's feelings so much.

It was a stupid, irrational, and idiotic thing to say; but Dejun can’t even feel any guilt or remorse because he knows he meant it.

His hands come up to run across his face as he looks up, and the warm water runs down as he tries to push his eyes back in and forget about everything. But it’s hard because Yangyang seems to run through his thoughts when Dejun is least expecting him too, and he can’t leave Dejun’s mind when he knows he shouldn’t even be thinking about him. Unlike how he had hoped, this shower isn’t doing a good job of distracting him from what actually happened today.

It’s only reminding him of the fathom feeling of Yangyang’s hands gripping his shoulders, the feeling of Dejun’s face being stuffed into the mattress as he takes him. The water isn’t doing anything to stop the memory of his hands running through his hair roughly, or even times where Yangyang has pushed him down in the bathroom of a frat party. It makes Dejun want to hit something, and he grips his fists as he squeezes his eyes shut till it hurts, but the water keeps on falling.

Dejun doesn’t even know why he would want him, but it does make a swell of pride rise up in himself that out of all of the people he could have chosen to spend the night with he was at Dejun’s door, punching in the code. He didn’t care about his dirty home clothes, and his messy blonde hair that was a stark contrast to his own tight jeans and on a brand hoodie. Still, it feels greedy and selfish to want him like this, when Yangyang so clearly has a life outside of what he does with Dejun because he has so many other things he could be doing. He's the star of the basketball team, in frat that throws parties almost twice a month, and cruising along in his studies. But he’s here despite it all.

Like running on a timer, as soon as Dejun feels like he’s going to punch something, the door to his bathroom opens and clicks closed behind someone, and he hears the toilet being closed before someone pulls back the curtain and steps in behind him. Dejun knows exactly who it is; Yangyang’s breath puffing on where the water isn’t touching on his back and hands going to his arms to hold. Dejun is still tense, and his eyes are still closed, but the lightest touch gets him to relax and fall back into his arms silently.

It’s awkward because Dejun is definitely taller than Yangyang, but he has always been much more of the person in control -- even in moments like this.

“Why are you here?”

He hums. “You were taking too long. Besides, it seems like something still has you worked up.”

“I’m not giving you another round if that’s what you’re here for.”

“No, sorry.” Yangyang’s head rests on the small of his back, his arms curl tighter around his waist and Dejun lets out a sigh. He’s warm. “You wanna tell me about it?”

 _Wouldn’t you like to know._ “No.”

“It’s funny cause you just got laid.” Yangyang giggles. “But alright, stay mysterious.”

He leans down and picks up the body wash Dejun must have dropped at some point, squirting some into his hand and moving the showerhead to the side with his other. He turns around to look at him at some point and Yangyang doesn’t say anything as he reaches up to work it into Dejun’s hair. It feels good, good enough to sigh out of relief again, and he lets himself forget all the fleeting thoughts of relationships and feelings.

But things like that aren’t easy, and Dejun can’t help but wonder why he’s doing this for him. It doesn't make sense why Yangyang wants to be with him and take care of him in a moment that isn’t desire filled but just to have him like this taking care of him and making him feel good. He feels the massaging stop and Yangyang’s breath is suddenly on his ear as he whispers. “Let me take care of you for once yeah?” And Dejun can only nod, not quite trusting himself to speak as he continues with the rest of his body and a shower rag.

Soon enough Yangyang’s hands leave his hair and water falls again; washing away all the soap. Once it’s done as he presumes, Yangyang moves the showerhead back and hands come up to swipe at his eyes before cupping his face. Dejun opens them and looks at him, hair barely wet but he still manages to look good. “Can I ask a question?” He whispers.

“Yeah,” Dejun feels apprehensive, but he lets him. “You can ask me a question.”

His eyes avert from looking at Dejun too looking down, but he continues. “Was it me you were thinking about?”

Suddenly the sounds of the water hitting the tiles are way too loud. He wonders if he heard him right, but he knows he did.

Dejun should be stiffening his body, he should be shaking off Yangyang’s still cupped hands, and he should be telling him to get out of his house. He should be regretting letting him sleepover, but he’s tired of not saying anything and most of all want to stop thinking about things that might hold him back. It’s silent in the shower, with the curtain closed, and Yangyang managing to look down at him while he struggles to get his thoughts in some sort of coherent order. But soon enough Dejun does break the silence, scared if he doesn’t Yangyang might walk away.

“And if it was?”

He can’t hear as well with the water, but he seems to see Yangyang let out whatever tension he was holding. “I’d ask what I did.”

“You didn’t do anything _Xiaoyang._ ”

He looks up, eyes shining with something. “What if I did. What if I did something now. What if I broke through a wall?”

“I’d let you.”

That’s all it takes for whatever thing that was stopping them to break, and for Yangyang to lean up and pull him down into a kiss. It’s not heated like the ones they usually share, but rather quieter and contained. None of this feels like a confession, when Yangyang has always been the one better about words but Dejun lets him take his face in his hands and kiss him. Eventually Yangyang pulls back after a few moments with his eyes shining and his lips looking more desirable than usual, and from the way he smiles everything feels a bit better. Progress right?

Yangyang hums, and his hands trail down Dejun's chest to hold onto his hands, not saying much. “You know, I like you like this. Maybe I should slow down more.”

“You are always going so fast _Xiaoyang_.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stop for you.”

Maybe it's not so bad to live in the moment and forget. So Dejun lets himself be pulled away from his mind with soft kisses and boys who are too demanding for their own good.

**Author's Note:**

> [ curious cat ](https://curiouscat.me/litteralydonghyuck)   
>    
>  [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pR38RElQQxK1iiu)


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